Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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