I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
