She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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