If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Randomize
