Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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