last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
