absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
