He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
