My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
