I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Randomize
