Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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