so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Randomize
