Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
