I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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