I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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