There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
