Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize