dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
