Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
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how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
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