I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
i've created a new STD.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
