Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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