the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
