3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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