I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
