how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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