if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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