Your mouth is God's brothel.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
