is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
home. puking in laundry basket.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
