i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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