im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize
