the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Randomize
