You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
