Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
