I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
