its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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