i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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