the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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