no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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