She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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