You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
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Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
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dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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