So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
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