i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Randomize
