i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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