When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize