My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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