It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
