I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
