Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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