home. puking in laundry basket.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I'm always down for nudity.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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