last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
There r osticjed everywhere
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Of course I have a pirate flag
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
