OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
So here I am, sexting at work.
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