so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
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