I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
