OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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