I am puke
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
