It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Never joke about your clitoris.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
