We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Randomize
