He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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